Well, I've almost made it through my very first year of teaching!!!! Sometimes the days and weeks have moved quite slowly. Other times, I feel like I've just blinked and half the year was gone. I can honestly say that I have learned more about myself, my faith, and the world around me in the past year than ever before.
It blows my mind to know that a little over a year and a half ago, I still had no clue what I was doing with my life after college graduation. Law school had been the plan for most of my college career, but as my junior year ended and senior year began, I felt so uneasy about my plan. The most terrifying part was feeling like I didn't have many options. With a Political Science degree, you typically either go to law school or grad school. I felt like God wasn't really calling me down either of those paths at that point. Then, through a beautifully crafted series of events, God led me to Teach for America. When I applied, I honestly still wasn't sure about it. As the process went on, I found myself becoming more and more excited about the idea of teaching at-risk students. Throughout the entire process, though, I somehow didn't realize how difficult it is to get accepted to TFA. That was a God thing as well, because if I had known that only about 15% of applicants get accepted, I would have stressed to an unhealthy point. What a blessing!
I knew that God wasn't calling me to law school or grad school, but it was really hard to follow the Lord's calling when it felt so incredibly random. It would mean being very far away from my family, my friends, and the love of my life for at least two full years. I was so tempted to stay right where I was in my comfort zone and just go to Univ. of Tennessee's law school. That way I would still have my friends and I could see Aaron whenever I wanted. But the more I prayed about it, the more I felt that God wanted me to be bold and take this completely different route.
The next thing I know, Teach for America is sending me to Dallas, Texas to teach middle school. I have a phone interview with the principal of a middle school that isn't even done being built in May, she hires me on the spot, and yet I still have absolutely no clue what to expect. On June 1st, I head to Texas, absolutely terrified at the fact that I don't know anyone, I don't know where I'm going to live, I don't know anything about my school, and oh yeah....I'VE NEVER TAUGHT IN MY LIFE!!! But again, God provided. Summer training was intense, but truly opened my eyes to the needs of students in Texas. I found an apartment that I love. My school building was brand new and absolutely beautiful. I was so ready to start my adventure in the Dallas school system in August!
From the start, I loved my students...all 125 of them. It was really hard work (and still is), but I tried every day to be the teacher that my students needed. I eventually got really confident in my lesson planning, my actual classroom management and instruction, and began to get to know my colleagues. If you've followed my blog at all this year, then you already know how all that went.
Now, nine months later, I've been through so much. There have been some incredibly tough challenges. I've celebrated the small victories. I've learned a lot about who I am as a teacher and who I want to be. But most importantly, my eyes have been opened to the devastating problems in our country's education system. We focus on accountability for teachers through standardized testing and what not, but we often forget that we are not able to truly meet the needs of an at-risk population under the conditions we currently work in as a school system in the United States. When I try to explain to people back home what it is I wake up and do every day, I can't seem to articulate it. Working with urban Hispanic youth in a rough area outside of Dallas, I am so much more than a teacher: I'm a parent, I'm a social worker, I'm a cheerleader, I'm a nurse, I'm a friend, I'm a mentor.
Some of my students don't eat at home. Some of my students have parents working 3 jobs night and day just to keep the lights on at home. Some of my students come from broken homes. Some students have family members that have been sent back to Mexico and are unable to return for many years. I've had students lose parents to gang violence this year. One student found out in the middle of the school day she had to go back to Mexico, and I stood there and held her as she sobbed, proclaiming, "Miss, I don't want to go back. Please don't make me go back!" Other students have so much built-up anger due to situations outside of school. Some students have just been forced to grow up way to fast in order to help their families simply survive. All the while, I'm trying to teach these students how to read on grade-level and become critical thinkers. Not an easy task, let me tell you.
There have been times I've felt so defeated, so frustrated, so hopeless. But then I remember, many of my babies have never had people in there life to fight for them, to advocate for them, to be hopeful for them, to believe in them. No matter how much some of them drive me insane (and believe me, they do on a regular basis) I have to keep pushing forward, because I want better for these kids. Luckily, God provided the perfect support system for me here in Dallas. Of course TFA has given me so much valuable training this year, and I'm so grateful for that. But the real blessing has been a couple of the teachers in my school. I was lucky enough to end up in Pod 6C with some very strong personalities, which always makes for a fun time. In that pod, I've found my Dallas mother. She's my unofficial mentor, she's my counselor, and she inspires me every day to be great for these kids. Oh yeah, she was also Teacher of the Year at our school, so basically God gave me the most helpful teaching resource of all just 10 steps away from my classroom. My department head is a close second for motherly support and guidance in instruction. I honestly don't know what I would have done this year without those two godly, strong women, who have continued to push through some very trying times in the Dallas school district this year.
I guess what I'm trying to say in way too many words is this:
Following God's calling was terrifying, full of so many unknowns, and just plain uncomfortable for me, but He has blessed me so much throughout the first year of this incredible journey, and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Friends, family, and of course Aaron, will be there when I am done with this season in my life, but for now, I can honestly say that I am fulfilled each day, knowing that in some small way, God is using me to reach out and love on 125 kids who desperately need it. I wouldn't trade that in for anything in the world!
Proverbs 3:5-6 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.”
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