Teaching in Dallas right now is very challenging, because the district is in a very big transition year. There are constant changes occurring, teachers are stressed, and there are days that I just feel really discouraged. But I've been spending a lot of time lately reflecting on the work that I'm doing and the parts I find most meaningful.
The guidance counselor had students select one teacher to write a "kindness note" to. These were delivered to us on Valentine's day. I got several of them, which of course made my day, but one in particular stuck out. It said, "Ms. Young, You are my favorite teacher. Thank you for telling me I'm smart." It was signed by a student that never in a million years would I have guessed would write me a "kindness note."I broke down, began to cry, and then came to the realization that this blog post is really about:
Ask any of my colleagues on the 6th grade floor at Z.W. Holmes Middle School, and they will (laughingly) tell you about "my boys." These are the students who, for a variety of reasons, are considered the "bad actors," the "low ones," and the "trouble makers." For whatever reason, I am drawn to these types of students. Don't get me wrong, I adore all 124 (got two new students last week) students that I teach, but there's just something that really gets to me about some of the "bad actors."
Last semester, it really started with one boy that most people in the school have given up on. He has some major anger problems that lead to him getting in a lot of fights and causing problems for many teachers. The frustration I felt seeing him wander around aimlessly led me to get to know him in a really intentional way. What I thought was just one random relationship, though, has turned into my entire existence as a 6th grade Reading teacher. This semester, I have found myself being drawn to many students similar to that first troubled young boy from last semester. I still try to work with him as much as possible, but my thoughts are now also filled with the tough situations being experienced by others in my classes.
More specifically, there are about five boys that I am constantly trying to reach out to. I'm still not entirely sure how, but within the last month or two, I've been able to connect with each of them in a variety of ways. Some come from broken homes, others are involved in things outside of school that they shouldn't be involved in, and for all of them, school (and more specifically reading) is a daily battle, considering how behind they are. Combine the anger, frustration, lack of attention, and low levels of ability, and you have a recipe for trouble. These are the students who all year have refused to do homework, are a constant disruption, and are pretty disrespectful in general.
What I have discovered in working with them is that everything I can possibly do to help them believe in themselves and actually work boils down to one thing: ATTENTION. This group of students is in desperate need of attention and love, and honestly, I don't even think they realize it. I have a daily routine with each of them now. In one class period where I have two of them, one sits with one of my higher students who pushes this boy to try and contribute, something that with my constant encouragement and bragging, has led to significant improvements. Meanwhile, I sit next to the other one and walk him through all of his assignments. The minute I get up to help another student, he becomes antsy again and struggles to complete anything. But if I simply sit next to him and listen to him read and reason through questions, it's like he's a completely different student. In another class period, where there are two other "troubled" young students, I have a similar routine, and each seeks out my attention if I am working with the other.
The bottom line is, I only see each of these students for 45 minutes a day in class, and for those 45 minutes, they unknowingly crave and seek my attention, because they do not get it at home or in many of their other classes. Upon realizing this recently, I started increasing my efforts. Every time I see each of these students in the hallway, I'll stop, call them by name, ask how their day is going, remind them that I expect to hear good things from each of their teachers, and tell them that I'm proud of them. This is not an easy task, considering they are some of the biggest trouble makers in the 6th grade. But in these conversations, I see eyes lighting up, smiles coming out, and confidence building in these young men in a way that I wasn't noticing last semester.
I truly think that is the most meaningful part of my job at this point. I enjoy teaching Reading, I love my colleagues, and 6th grade can certainly be entertaining, but ultimately, these students in need of the most affection, attention, and understanding are what make me feel fulfilled from day to day. No amount of high test scores or positive feedback from those in charge could ever replace the feeling I get when one of them runs up to me and asks, "How did I do today, Miss?"
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